Why I stopped saying "Happy Birthday"
In my sixty plus years on this crazy planet, I have had my ups and downs, and ever so often I'm "down" on my own birthday. Yeah, on more than one occasion, I was having a bad day on my "happy" birthday. You can't really escape reality and it does not care what day it is on the calendar. From the mildy annoying to something devastatingly infuriating, things can go sideways on your day.
Then someone comes along and greets you "HAPPY birthday"! Depending if it was an annoyance or something devastating, and depending on where you are on the five stages of grief, "happy birthday" can feel like a cliché, hollow, or even painful—no matter how well meaning that person who is greeting you.
Okay, you can nuance the greeting to mean "I WISH you a happy birthday", or "MAY you have a happy birthday", but I do not think such deep thoughts accompany someone spit-balling something social media happen to conveniently reminded them about.
While on a shallow level, "happy birthday" may just be about being "happy", but there is another level where images of being surrounded by family and friends having a party while you are surprised and blowing out candles come to mind. But what if you cannot be with family and friends—or—what if you do not have family and friends?
"Happy birthday" sets you up for unrealistic expectations. There are studies correlating birthdays and increased incidences of suicides; just are there is a correlation of holidays (usually Christmas) and suicides for the same reason.
So ...
Instead of imposing something possibly artificial and an external emotion to a birthday "celebrant" (that too is a loaded term in itself), how about:
"I am happy you were born."
... or ...
"I am happy you came into this world and into my life."
"I am happy you were born and made a difference in this world."
... or something in between depending on the relationship. The point is, the emotion belongs to the one giving the greeting and not gaslighting the one "celebrating" the birthday into being "happy". While you can spit-ball "happy birthday" as a knee jerk reaction to Farcebook reminding you of someone's birthday. You give something of your yourself to say "I am happy ... for you."
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