“Why are you still a Christian?”

MONK'S DOOR

PENTAX K2 + SMCP A 50/2 + ILFORD XP2 SUPER  

When I posed that question to my students in Penuel School of Theology in a Pastoral Theology class, I got reactions of varied incredulity.  Mildly, from raised eyebrows, dropped jaws to stunned statements like “what kind of question is that”?  Surely being saved by grace, sealed by the Spirit and called by the Lord is enough for one to stay (if you’re Arminian) or be kept (if you’re Calvinist) a Christian.

My class was made up of advanced students; many were experienced pastors with years notched in pastoral work.  But that precisely was the basis for my asking that question.  Their common profile was they entered the faith in their youth, perhaps being active and a leader in church groups even while in high school.  Many responded to a call to serve in the ministry in some summer camp on their way to college which, in turn, would lead them to a Bible school to prepare them for ministry (usually pastoral or missionary work).  Most have been successful in their work and are now continuing their studies on their way to possibly greater responsibilities.

Most are about to hit mid-life crisis (MLC).

The funny thing about MLC is that Christians filled with the Spirit are supposed to be victorious and triumphant (redundant…) over that malady.  Take it from me, after counseling with apparently “victorious and triumphant” pastors, what is revealed is quite the opposite.  Except you do not and cannot say that—it is “bad advertising” for the pop Christianity of this day and age.

Many—supported by a big denomination—can opt for a sabbatical or a rest from their labor and regain their vision.  Even more, however, does not have that option and have to continue in their hard labor despite their fear and doubts.  It is in light of this backdrop that I ask: “why are you still a Christian?”

Consider that many knew no life apart from the Christian community and ministry; many does know any other skill than to be a pastor or a minister.  Can they—in their honest doubt—stop what they are doing?

If one, for just an extreme example, come to the point of doubting where he concludes that God, faith and all these are not true—can he actually decide to stop being a Christian?  From what I have seen, the answer is no, and it is not because of the spiritual reasons of being saved, sealed and called that has anything to do with it but because of being lost—what would they do if they admit to doubt?  What security would they have?

A “chicken and egg” dilemma thus forms: is their livelihood a result of being a Christian or is being a Christian a result of their livelihood.  The former is what we take for granted: we are workers in the Vineyard because of our faith.  The latter statement is something we have to seriously reflect on: are you a Christian because your livelihood depends on it?

"There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds" (Alfred Lord Tennyson).

MLC POSTSCRIPT

I entered the Christian ministry a little late—after I graduated college.  It was a result of a series of events related to teaching, psychology and counseling that took me on a journey to seminary where I basically stayed as student, faculty, and administrator (in various guises) for over 20 years.  I posed that question in the latter part of my ministry which ended about 2005 which coincidently coincided with terms of duty ending exacerbating whatever MLC I was already encountering.

Various reasons appeared and thus a new call came—to be a photographer.  Now, no longer in the “official” Christian ministry, I can now confidently say that I am a Christian because I have been saved by grace, sealed by the Spirit and called by the Lord.

The Sky Is Green

WHY I DO NOT WANT TO PREACH ANYMORE…

When I was still preaching, I somehow managed to impress people enough to draw their applause and their “amen’s” but somehow they never seem to hear the message.  Now that I am a photographer with an inherent motive of impressing people with my photographs, they are now asking what the message is…

 IMPOSITION

Pentax K-x + SMCP DA 18-55/3.5-5.6 AL WR

In the occasions I find myself preaching extensively (my primary involvement in the Christian ministry is that of a teacher so, more often than not, I am in a classroom rather than behind a pulpit) there is this sense of satisfaction to see people outwardly responding to your sermon; they would say (or shout) “amen!” or occasionally applaud when you make a point.  But that sense becomes shattered with the realization that they never heard the message.

You present the most rational and exegetically correct argument that the sky is pink and when the sermon is over, people congratulate you and quip about it being a nice day because the sky is green—they never heard the message.  Then when they actually hear what you said, you get stabbed in the back and are branded a radical of sorts or whatever else they can think of.  Worse is to have presented an opinion contrary to that of the one of gives the biggest tithe…

Now if your livelihood depends of keeping your pulpit, would you not rather impress the people than tell them the truth?

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10 NEB).

Pentax K-x

I have always been the person to procrastinate on new technology, never to buy anything on its first release.  There are practical reasons for that—bugs for one; it has been demonstrated that some manufacturers make beta testers out of their buyers.  Then there is the price, usually the initial release price tends to be higher than the subsequent street prices.  Included in this list are cameras, specifically digital single lens reflex (DSLR) cameras.  My advantage, of course, is that I have a lot of cameras in my inventory already; not buying one does not paralyze me and neither does having a decade old technology handicap me.

So with DSLRs, I bought my Pentax *ist DS the year after it was released (2005) and the Pentax K10D just about the time the next model up (K20D) came around in 2008.  Now I have been saving up for the K20D knowing I can buy it cheap when the K-7 came around but the latter camera impressed me enough to want to skip the K20D.  In which case, I had to wait around longer to let my funds catch up to the cost of the newer model.

Then the Pentax K-x was released.  Although tagged as an entry level camera, its image quality was what I wanted.  Somehow the color of the Samsung CMOS sensor inside the K20D/K-7 never really warmed up to my taste and I was somehow wishing for something like what the Sony CCD sensor in the DS/K10D

PENTAX K-x and PENTAX KX

So there: I basically upgraded my backup camera (the Pentax *ist DS which I would pass on to my son) not the main and primary one.  A twist of things because the backup actually had higher specs compared to my main camera (12mp vs. 10mp; 12800ISO vs. 1600ISO, among other things).  It lacked some of the niceties that one would look for in a pro camera like dual dials and even focusing points visible in the viewfinder.  Was that a problem?

No.

A Fortune Cookie & A Hole in a Post

It's my birthday...wheee!

The nice neat number of half a century bodes of half-full/half-empty comments like "life begins at 50" (...as in begins to what?!!!...) and so on.  For an anniversary amnesiac like myself, those neat numbers are helpful in remembering events like getting marred (sic) in 1990 and having my daughter's and wife's birthday on the same day (my son did not make it —his birthday was four days shy of mine).

Today I look forward to holding a make-up class where we will spend most of the time in a darkroom making salt-paper prints.  Something that I have not done in quite a while but the smell of hypo does bring back pages in the past (high school and college).  Then the nice neat number reminds of another neat number: 10.

It was on my tenth birthday, while traveling with my dad in Hong Kong that a fortune cookie declared that I my dreams will come true;  A couple of days later, while visiting the Tōdai-ji temple in Nara, Japan, I managed to fit through the "Buddha's Nostrils" (a post with a hole cut through it).  It is said that whoever is able to squeeze through will have his wishes granted (or guaranteed eternal life; or receive enlightenment...whatever) and I was the only one in our party who did.  The most obvious and evident manifestation was that I received my first ever camera (an Olympus PEN-EE) later that same day.

Looking back forty years later, I can say that most of my dreams (and maybe a couple of nightmares) have come true.  Not bad—I guess—for someone who was not expected to live; being born with a congenital defect (harelip/cleft palate).

 FEEDING THE DEERS IN NARA (ca 1970)